Strange Enough

It's hard. Sometimes we rush into things not thinking about the future. We are vulnerable, we fall in love too quickly. We say the words too soon. We make promises we can't keep. And we end up getting hurt, or hurting someone else. Our mind changes. We had something new and exciting to distract us from the things we need to do and the decisions we have to make. Our lives and responsibilities catch up to us. And we have to choose. And it's the hardest decision we can make. One path will lead us to the future we always envisioned for ourselves. And the other path we do not know where it will lead. 

I have been told that you never know what the future has in store. But I grew up with the principle of long-term vision. Whatever you want in the future, you can have with hard work and dedication. Keep your eyes on your dream. Don't get distracted. But for someone who runs mainly on emotion, it's hard. Our heart tells us one thing. Our brain tells us something else. We are told to follow our hearts, but listen to reason and logic. So we are left confused, helpless. It's true that the people closest to us only want the best for us. But we are the only ones who know what is truly best for us. 

Growing up the way I did, I am conflicted a lot. I grew up around a great community of leaders and entrepreneurs. A strong, family-friendly, Christian environment. I grew up learning principles of success and business ownership. But as I get older and the friends I have get older and I meet new people, I get newer ideas. I was raised to learn from other peoples mistakes and experiences. But I am starting to see that I have to make my own mistakes. I'm a smart girl and I know right from wrong. I know not to jump off a bridge just because my friends are doing it (unless there is a bungee cord involved). I have high expectations put on me. They're not unreasonable, but they are scary for me. I have fear. Just like anyone else. It's hard though. I'm not like most people my age. I'm not trying to say I'm anymore special than the next 19 year old. What I am saying is that I learned different information growing up than people twice, even three times my age. Most people know to go to school, get good grades, and get a secure job with benefits. What they don't tell you is that by doing this, you are becoming a slave to someone else, believing that you're given a good deal because you get paid. We are taught to finance everything and be a slave to debt. It forces us to stay in a job we absolutely hate so we can keep up with the payments. 

Okay, I may be getting side tracked... 

My point of this post is that we are conflicted. We are told one thing, then we are told something else. We have so many different sources of input that we can't listen to ourselves. "What does your heart tell you?" I don't know. It's been corrupted with the ideas of others. I try my best to isolate myself from others for an hour or so everyday so I have time to listen to myself and get my thoughts written down. 

What is it that I want?

I can't be completely sure. I know I want to write. I love it. I love blogging and getting my thoughts out there. It makes me feel less crazy. 

I know I want to be known. You could say I want to be famous. How? I don't know. That is what I'll have to figure out. But it will happen. 

I want to be happy. That is a very vague statement. And I mean it in a vague way. I want to be happy with my life. I want to feel like I've done something worth while. Something to help others. 

I want to inspire people. 

"Strange enough. I don't love you like you want me to."

- Rachael