You constantly think back to what went wrong. You were lied to, abused, hurt, unappreciated. You were taken advantage of. And when you tried to explain how you felt, they didn't care. They didn't change. They couldn't understand the pain you felt, so you just went along like you didn't feel anything. You pretended like it was nothing. Like you were wrong and just overthinking. You assume the worst because of things that happened in the past. You know better than to assume, but your instincts tell you otherwise. Somehow you knew there was a lot more going on than just "talking" to another. You knew there was a lot more going on than just "giving her a place to stay for the night." You knew these were lies. Your trust was lost a long time ago and you kept taking them back. You were too caring. Too in love. Too naive. And when the time came, you were too smart. It was then that you realized overthinking isn't always a bad thing.
What did you expect? Two extremely hard-headed people trying to make a relationship work. Neither of you could swallow your pride long enough to make something like that work. Maybe it wasn't really love. It was just infatuation. You would get excited at the thought of being with them, but then when you were together, you would fight. You let your pride get in the way. But so did they.
But this failed relationship didn't break you. It made you stronger. You know now what you don't need in a person. You don't need someone who thinks they need to find comfort in other people. You don't need someone who can look you in the eye and lie to you about anything. You don't need someone who can openly admit they are a "bullshitter." You don't need someone who can tell you you are the ONLY one for them, then blow that person off, and go off with someone else when things get hard. You don't need someone who gets aggressive with you when you want to leave. You don't need someone who doesn't take you seriously. You don't need someone who gets mad and tells you to your face that you're being annoying. You don't need someone who overall just gives you bad vibes. You don't need someone who makes you feel bad about anything. If you are wanting to break it off, you shouldn't feel bad. If you don't feel it anymore, leave. It's okay. If you know that person is not your person, IT IS OKAY. There is someone out there for you. Just stop trying to find them. They will come to you. And it will be unexpected.
It's okay to be single and happy. It's okay to not care what other people think. It's okay to be yourself. The right people will find their way into your life. Of all the things you could learn in life, there is one thing you should always remember; YOU are the only person you can really trust. Once you learn to love yourself, things will fall into place. It's okay not to be there yet. It takes time. It takes pain and hurting to learn these things. You need to go through these heartbreaks and bad experiences so you can learn from them. Life wouldn't be any fun if we didn't have challenges and hard times.
Don't wear your heart on a sleeve. Be wary. Love people, but don't give yourself to them easily.
- Rachael
Thank you J for giving me good times. I'm sorry things ended the way they did. But like I always told you, you're gonna find someone better. Someone that I can't even compare to. And you'll look at me as a waste of time. I know that I'll be happier. And I know you will too...... Eventuallyyyyyyyyy.
But really, you were great. I loved you. I hope life is good to you. Kisses :)
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