Don't Settle

"She tries so hard to live up to your expectations. She tries so hard to have your attention. She tries so hard to make time for you. She tries so hard to understand the way you are. She tries so hard to impress you. She tries so hard to make you proud of her. She tries so hard to be there for you. She tries so hard to help you get through tough times. She tries so hard to motivate you to get things done. She tries so hard to please and satisfy you. She tries so hard to prove herself to you. She tries so hard to look good for you. She tries so hard to do special things for you. She tries so hard to treat you better than the other girls have. She tries so hard to put a smile on your face. She tries so hard to show you how much you mean to her. She tries so hard to help you realize no girl out there is gonna love you better than she can. But despite her trying so hard, you somehow manage to make her feel like she isn't good enough."

I don't remember who wrote this, but I remember crying when I first read it. April 10, 2015. That was a really tough time in my life. The love of my life left me a few days before and I felt as low as I had ever been. That was the first time I ever had my heart broken.

Mike was my first love. He's the only one I think I ever truly loved. When he left me, I didn't understand what went wrong. I had never had a real boyfriend before. He was everything to me. I waited around for him all the time, even if I only got to see him for a few minutes. I spent every second of the day thinking about him. I had never been happier. We had talked about moving in together, getting a puppy, getting married, having children... The works. But I guess something in him changed because one day, he just stops talking to me out of nowhere. Though I will admit, I should have seen it coming. He had been telling me he's not in a good place and I shouldn't want to be with him. It's now that I know what he meant. I understand how he felt.

In the past year, I have dated many many guys. I am realizing that I am going through that phase of my life where I am finding out who I am. Between the ages of 18-25, you're finding who you are. What do you like, who are your real friends.... Your mind and what you want can change at any second. Within three months, I broke up with the same guy four times. There was a point where I had three boyfriends at once. I liked to think of it as keeping my options open, but really, it's me being indecisive. Or maybe, I just haven't found what I'm looking for. And now I see, I wasn't what Mike was looking for. And that's okay.

Sometimes, things aren't meant to work out. That just means there's something better waiting for you. In my experience dating the past year, I've learned to not settle. Don't settle for someone that doesn't make you happy just because they can provide for you. Don't settle for someone boring just because they say they love you. Don't settle for someone you fight with all the time just because they're good in bed. Do not EVER settle for someone you don;t feel a connection with just because you don;t want to hurt their feelings. It is 100% okay to think about yourself. 

Don't force yourself to be in a relationship. Don't feel like you need a relationship to be happy. Work on yourself. Develop yourself and work towards your goals and dreams. When the right person comes along, you'll know. If your person doesn't come, it's okay. Be independent. I promise, you don't need anyone. It's okay to be single. Everything works out the way it's supposed to. 

- Rachael