Outcast

No not the band. I've felt like an outcast my entire life. When I was in elementary school, if seemed like everyone had something like they loved to do. For example, one of my best friends loved sports. Other friends loved video games or music. At the time, those were hobbies. In middle school, it was understandable why people didn't like me. I dressed really weird. I wore the crazy colored pants with non-matching tops and shoes. I had serious problems back then. But when I got to high school, it only got worse. And maybe that's my fault. I did act like a hoe. It got me into situations I didn't want to be in or now regret. After I was homeschooled, I was isolated. Everything was downhill from there. It's still getting worse. I have very few friends. I can count the number of friends I have on one hand. I'm probably going to get comments saying, "Oh Rachael, I'm your friend!" No you're not. Stop acting like it. Stop taking pity on me. I don't want it.
I thought that going to a youth group would help me to be more social and feel accepted. But I think it made me feel more like an outcast. All I wanted was to immerse myself with people my own age and hopefully make new friends. That didn't really happen. I didn't want to open up to them, but I forced myself to. It's not that I didn't trust them. i trust people very easily. But I didn't necessarily feel comfortable telling some things. It's my own fault for opening up in the first place. I thought those girls were my friends, but they weren't. No one every tried to hang out with me or see how I was doing. I'm over it.
As some of you know, I'm involved in a business with my parents. And I love it there. But, it's just another place where I feel like an outcast. Don't get me wrong, I love being around the business. Unfortunately, I'm still just a kid in their eyes and they don't treat me like an adult. It sucks. But it's understandable. I still act like a kid and I don't really talk to anyone about adult things. So, that's my fault.
Even though I feel like an outcast a lot, I know there are still people that are willing to help me. Maybe I don't want help. Maybe I just want to figure things out on my own. Or maybe, what I really need is someone to help. I honestly don't know. The way I see it, I'm still a kid and have a lot of things to figure out before I start involving people in my problems.

Today is the day.
- Rachael A.
(that rhymed)