The Weirdest Thing I've Ever Written

Tell me you love me
I'll pretend you mean it
Convince me to show you what no one else sees
I'm yours for the night
Make your claim over me
Soak in every park of me
I'll take in every inch of you
Touch me, feel me
Fuck me, hold me
Go crazy
Show me your dark side
Give me the best time of my life
Let me let go
Let me be wild
Fulfill my lustful desires
Make me believe I'm the goddess of your dreams
Fill me with pleasure
Make me glow
Tell no one
I'll do the same
Love me every night
Then I'll be happy everyday

Epiphanies

Girls like me, we're users. We find the thrill of chasing a guy so much fun. It's the most wonderful feeling. But once we get the guy, we're bored. The thrill is gone. The flirting isn't fun anymore. What's the purpose of flirting? It isn't necessary anymore. So we've tricked ourselves and someone else into thinking that we like them. It's the cruel, sick joke we play on ourselves. And it always ends badly.

I'm the type of girl who falls hard for the guy who just wants to have fun. The guy who isn't looking for the thing I crave so deeply. But lately, I've started to ask myself, what is it that I really want? I'm finally realizing what that is. I want something physical. I'm a sexual being. I don't want to fake myself into thinking I want something more, because that's how it's "supposed" to be. You see social media posts about how girls are these sensitive creatures and how we all want a relationship and want someone to love us. But on the inside, I'm of the male species. Sure, love is great. It's the best. What's good sex without fire and passion? But I know I'm young. I don't need a man to love now. What I want is someone who is my friend, who let's me sex them and wants to sex me. But in the situation I'm in, any kind of best friend would be great.

Times are changing. Sex doesn't mean what it used to. It's a purely physical thing. You can have sexual chemistry with many many people. But there's only a handful of people that you can emotionally, mentally, and spiritually connect with. So if you're a girl, and you find someone you want to have sex with, have (safe) sex with them. You're not a slut or a hoe or whatever. There are good guys out there that won't think differently of you. But please, don't be stupid. Be safe. STD'S are real. Pregnancy is real. It can happen to anyone.

Dear Rachael, Be Hard On Yourself

What is the real reason for this anger I have? Do I really care if this guy doesn't like me? Is that even important to my life? Why am I letting this small thing consume me? Why am I letting some guy affect my mood? He's just a guy. He's not even a bad guy. He's my friend. Or I like to think we're friends anyway.

You're stupid for being angry with him. You're stupid for complaining about it over social media. And you're stupid for giving it so much attention.

So why are you angry? 

I'm not angry at anyone. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry for being such a wuss. I'm angry because I feel so weak. It doesn't have anything to do with this guy. It's just me. It's all in my head. I'm not hard enough on myself. I have been lying to myself for years. I'm not the sensitive little girl I used to be. I know how to stand up for myself. I know how to be independent. I know all of the things I need to do to have the success I want. So why do I fake myself out? Stop that. Stop blaming everything on hormones or your current situation. You know right from wrong. Just stop being an idiot. 

Sometimes, I like to write myself little letters like this. I like to remind myself how strong I am. I tell myself not to cry over stupid things. All of the anger I have built up inside me is usually directed towards me. And I let it go in my writing. If I wrote songs, they would be angry, heavy metal songs.... 

Anyways, be happy. Love yourself. Don't let others get you down. All that jazz. 

- Rachael

This post sucks. 

Girl, You're A Swan

Girl

I think you're great

But you're not for me

You're pretty

You're smart

You're attractive.

But girl

You're not for me

I'm young

I got things going on

I know you're weak

But it's not my problem

You think I'm a god.

Girl 

Stay calm

You think I'll take advantage

No lie

I might.

But girl

Don't let me

I've got growing up to do

You do too.

So girl

Be smart

Stay pretty

One day

You'll find your man

He'll be capable of loving you.

Cause girl 

I'm not.

I used to wonder what the guy I liked thought about me... But now I start to think, he doesn't.... He doesn't think about me. He doesn't care. Why would he? He's perfect. He's gorgeous. He's charming. He has a large pool of fish to choose from. But then you realize, he's looking at the fish. His head is underwater. He can't see the beautiful swan right above him. It's not your job to help him from drowning. Either one day, he'll see you, or you'll move on. For now, all you can do is watch.

I Won't Fall, Unless You're Going To Catch Me

Sometimes you meet someone who makes you feel so weak

You fall for people who have baggage

You want to help them carry it

But that's all you can do

Carry

You can't help them unload it

Why?

Only the person knows. 

Sometimes we fall for someone who can't fall for us

It's not because they didn't see our worth

It's because we don't have what they need

Sometimes you tell someone how you feel

But they're unreadable

We wonder why we aren't good enough

There's always someone better

Someone prettier

Someone smarter

Someone who can give them what they need

Something you can't provide

I used to think it was okay to chase guys

If I want something

I do what I have to to get it

But as I get older

I start to think differently

When I was younger

I was told boys are stupid

I'm starting to realize how true it is

But aren't girls just as stupid?

We fall for someone who doesn't see our worth

They don't see what we could be for them

We would do anything for them

Then they take advantage 

And we know they do it

But we think they'll love us eventually

We come up with excuses on why we still want them

"They'll see my worth one day"

And we just keep letting them hurt us

No more

I'm done

I won't be left looking like an idiot

I won't be that girl

The girl who does everything for a guy who doesn't care

It's an internal struggle

My heart wants to take the risk

But my brain won't allow me to get hurt again

I'm scared to death of falling in love

Especially with someone who makes me feel this way

Someone who doesn't take me seriously

Someone who doesn't know what they want

Someone who gives me the giddy school girl feeling

Someone who makes me happy whenever they're around

Someone who makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I think about them

Someone who makes me feel nervous to talk to them

Don't fall

Because this person will not catch you

I'm Falling

I met a guy.
He reminds me of a time when I always had a loving, tingling feeling.
But he makes me forget about the last person to make me feel that way.
He makes me forget about everything I've done in the past.
He makes me feel like I can be better if I really tried.
He makes me feel like a giggly idiot because everything he says makes me laugh.
But he makes me feel like I'm not good enough.
He doesn't intend to do that.
But sometimes, we fall for people totally out of our league.
Sometimes, you're an 8 and you fall for a 10.
Sometimes, you feel like being an 8 isn't good enough.
Sometimes, you're afraid of this feeling because you don't want to get hurt again.
So you hold back.
You don't allow yourself to feel that feeling you once felt.
You weren't good enough for the last person.
Why would you be good enough for the next one?
You tell yourself you deserve better.
You tell yourself you will find your person one day.
You try so hard to have hope for the future.
But it's hard.
You doubt yourself.
You try so hard to be good enough.
You don't believe anyone will want you.
But you know that's not true.
People want you.
It's just not the person you want.
Because rarely do we fall for someone who falls for us.

"Mistakes are painful, but they're the only way to know who we really are."
-Denny Duquette, Grey's Anatomy

I Don't Know What To Title This Post

I was scrolling through Facebook recently and came across an article one of my friends shared. It had some good points, but overall, it made me angry. Now I don't know if this is satire or not, I don't really care. There are many thins here that kinda angered me, but one thing that stands out in particular. Have a read, then I'll explain.

Tasteless Gentleman: You're Not a Princess and You Don't Deserve Better

Why is it that women never ask themselves what they did wrong in the relationship?  They never ask themselves what they did to cause the guy to leave.  It’s always the guy who “doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

Here's the thing when a relationship ends, this is what girl think. We do wonder what we did wrong. Or what we didn't do. What would have made you happy. In many cases, women are attracted to what we call "f*ckboys." It sounds to me like that's the kind of guy who wrote this article. I mean, just look at the author bio.

"Expert at leaving women disappointed physically and emotionally. Writer. Drinker. Humorist. Underachiever."

Not sure that’s the kind of guy I would want to take advice from. These are the kind of guys that expect random the random bj and think they deserve to be treated like a king when they don’t treat their woman like a queen. It seems to me if you need that from a woman, you don’t really love her. Hell, you don’t even like her and you DON’T deserve her. If you talk about a woman like she’s “basic” then y’all just weren’t compatible in the first place. That’s why you should never get into a relationship with a girl you don’t know all that well. I see all the time in TV shows and movies, guys dating awful women. Why? You KNOW she isn’t good for you! Why would you get with her in the first place? A needy man and a needy woman just don’t belong together. A lot of men and women have some growing up to do before getting into a relationship. So don’t place all the blame on the other person.

Men: Most of the time, women just want good communication and attention. No, we don’t need it 24/7. But take time out of your day to talk to us. If that’s too much to ask for, you should be single.

Women: Men want someone that makes them feel good. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and sometimes spiritually. If you’re a woman of God, wait for a man who nourishes your soul and not your ego.

God Bless You and God Bless America
- Rachael

Anxiety

Anxiety is doing or saying something slightly stupid, then getting mad at yourself for doing it. Anxiety is telling yourself to not get mad at yourself but still getting mad. Anxiety is going to war with your mind. Anxiety is fighting with yourself on every little thing. Anxiety is having a panic attack when speaking in public, even in a small group of people. Anxiety is that horribly useless feeling when you feel like you can't contribute anything. Anxiety is getting worked up over the smallest things. Anxiety is overthinking. Anxiety sucks, but it's something everyone deals with at least once in their life. And it;s something you can overcome. Believe in yourself. Keep a positive outlook, no matter what. Everything works out. I promise. 

God Bless You and God Bless America

- Rachael