Dear Rachael, Be Hard On Yourself

What is the real reason for this anger I have? Do I really care if this guy doesn't like me? Is that even important to my life? Why am I letting this small thing consume me? Why am I letting some guy affect my mood? He's just a guy. He's not even a bad guy. He's my friend. Or I like to think we're friends anyway.

You're stupid for being angry with him. You're stupid for complaining about it over social media. And you're stupid for giving it so much attention.

So why are you angry? 

I'm not angry at anyone. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry for being such a wuss. I'm angry because I feel so weak. It doesn't have anything to do with this guy. It's just me. It's all in my head. I'm not hard enough on myself. I have been lying to myself for years. I'm not the sensitive little girl I used to be. I know how to stand up for myself. I know how to be independent. I know all of the things I need to do to have the success I want. So why do I fake myself out? Stop that. Stop blaming everything on hormones or your current situation. You know right from wrong. Just stop being an idiot. 

Sometimes, I like to write myself little letters like this. I like to remind myself how strong I am. I tell myself not to cry over stupid things. All of the anger I have built up inside me is usually directed towards me. And I let it go in my writing. If I wrote songs, they would be angry, heavy metal songs.... 

Anyways, be happy. Love yourself. Don't let others get you down. All that jazz. 

- Rachael

This post sucks.